Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
The only really bad thing about me as much as i know is that I get attracted to beautiful ladies everywhere, and those usually being married or older than me. One similar encounter, it was today also.
It was a SAI SANDHYA function at my uncle's home on the occasion of my cousin’s birthday. I won’t be justifying my atheism or my presence there. There are always some reasons why something happens. Bhajans started and the guests started coming. I was sitting in the front row near the stage, just opposite to the entrance and close to the orchestra. Besides the orchestra members and some older people who were sitting on the chairs at the back, all other devotees had to sit on the floor. Some were lost in their prayers through those bhajans and some were pretending to be. Women were whispering to each other perhaps about how awkward some other women were dressed. I was sitting alone, quiet and passing my time by observing the amusing expressions on others’ faces.
But my eyes got stuck when she entered. Wearing dark blue suit, which was of some shining cloth; holding a big gift wrapped in packing paper with one hand and a purse hanging her shoulder. Her simple specs were also glamorised by her sensuous personality. She had a white rose in her other hand which I noticed later, when she put that at SAI’s feet. The way she was greeted by my uncle and others made it clear that she was closely known to them and also was respected. I guessed her age to be somewhere between 25 and 30. Not sure about her marital status until I caught that thin red line running not through her parting but on her upper forehead.
After exchanging usual pleasantries with her known ones, she looked for some appropriate place to sit. It was the zenith of my luck that she sat down just before me. She would have touched me, if I hadn’t moved a little back. The smell of her perfume was also as sedating as she herself was. During whole this, I hadn’t been able to make any eye-contact with her. To some extent, I can tell in the first eye-contact whether I should try or not. But I wasn’t given the chance this time. She was sitting close to me, but I couldn’t see her face in this position. Trying to describe her looks in minimum words, I’d call her beautiful, impressive, sober, mature, hot, elegant, sensuous and … sorry, my vocab is not so good.
“She wouldn’t even look at me.”, thinking this, I tried to divert my mind from her. my cousin was busy, as he had to look after the arrangements and also play the role of emcee, and receiving those birthday wishes also. So I was supposed to help him.
Well, he is also a strange character. On greeting him, the first thing he did was, showing me a snap of a girl and warning,” Except this one, choose anyone.” Nice example of far-sightedness.
I got busy in helping others to manage the arrangement. After giving the water bottles to the orchestra members, I was standing near the stage, when my eyes fell on that lady in blue again. I couldn’t resist and kept looking at her. As if she felt this, she suddenly moved her eyes and stared at me. Her without smile face and grim eyes, were enough to discourage me. I moved away my eyes from her as fast as I could. The maturity on her face was suggesting that she had seen a lot in her life.
I ogled at her again, and she caught me again. This happened again, again and again and every time the duration of our eye contact was increasing and that seriousness on her face was reducing. Sometimes when I looked at her, I found her already looking at me. This kept going on till the musical
programme ended. After the bhajans was dinner arrangement. The entire sitting crowd had stood up. She also got up and sat besides the lead vocalist of the orchestra. She was talking to her friends and relatives, I was talking to mine but every few moments after we were looking at each other. It was as if we were trying to talk through our eyes. After about half an hour, we’d be going our homes. When I moved from my place, her eyes were looking here and there, I could see. A smile came on her face, when she saw me again, while trying to be unseen from everyone else. Her eyes and lips were silently expressing her as if she was asking me to say something if I had to.
After having dinner, it was time to part. She told indirectly that she’d be leaving as it was getting too late. Looking for someone or other, she kept roaming here and there to bid goodbye to everyone. But I could do nothing and I did nothing. At last, perhaps giving me a last chance, she stood in a deserted corner and looked at me. Just then, my cell vibrated and I pulled it out of my pocket. It was an sms from my friend. I just read the first line of the sms, locked the keypad and looked up for that beautiful lady. She was not where she was, but standing so close to me, her cell in her hand as if she was imitating me. Was she giving me hint to exchange phone no.? I don’t know. But I couldn’t. I put my cell back in my pocket. She looked in my eyes again and walked past me so closely that I almost touched her. I realized that she was at least one inch taller than me.
She didn’t turn back again and went out of the gate. I don’t know why I didn’t go after her outside right then. May be, I was expecting her to come back once more. But she didn’t. With slow steps, I came out and found her nowhere among the people standing there. The sound of an engine start drew my attention and I found her sitting in the rear seat of a car, which was ready to go. She had seen me, when I came out. Even in that darkness, I could see that helpless smile on her face, caressing me in a strange way.
It was a SAI SANDHYA function at my uncle's home on the occasion of my cousin’s birthday. I won’t be justifying my atheism or my presence there. There are always some reasons why something happens. Bhajans started and the guests started coming. I was sitting in the front row near the stage, just opposite to the entrance and close to the orchestra. Besides the orchestra members and some older people who were sitting on the chairs at the back, all other devotees had to sit on the floor. Some were lost in their prayers through those bhajans and some were pretending to be. Women were whispering to each other perhaps about how awkward some other women were dressed. I was sitting alone, quiet and passing my time by observing the amusing expressions on others’ faces.
But my eyes got stuck when she entered. Wearing dark blue suit, which was of some shining cloth; holding a big gift wrapped in packing paper with one hand and a purse hanging her shoulder. Her simple specs were also glamorised by her sensuous personality. She had a white rose in her other hand which I noticed later, when she put that at SAI’s feet. The way she was greeted by my uncle and others made it clear that she was closely known to them and also was respected. I guessed her age to be somewhere between 25 and 30. Not sure about her marital status until I caught that thin red line running not through her parting but on her upper forehead.
After exchanging usual pleasantries with her known ones, she looked for some appropriate place to sit. It was the zenith of my luck that she sat down just before me. She would have touched me, if I hadn’t moved a little back. The smell of her perfume was also as sedating as she herself was. During whole this, I hadn’t been able to make any eye-contact with her. To some extent, I can tell in the first eye-contact whether I should try or not. But I wasn’t given the chance this time. She was sitting close to me, but I couldn’t see her face in this position. Trying to describe her looks in minimum words, I’d call her beautiful, impressive, sober, mature, hot, elegant, sensuous and … sorry, my vocab is not so good.
“She wouldn’t even look at me.”, thinking this, I tried to divert my mind from her. my cousin was busy, as he had to look after the arrangements and also play the role of emcee, and receiving those birthday wishes also. So I was supposed to help him.
Well, he is also a strange character. On greeting him, the first thing he did was, showing me a snap of a girl and warning,” Except this one, choose anyone.” Nice example of far-sightedness.
I got busy in helping others to manage the arrangement. After giving the water bottles to the orchestra members, I was standing near the stage, when my eyes fell on that lady in blue again. I couldn’t resist and kept looking at her. As if she felt this, she suddenly moved her eyes and stared at me. Her without smile face and grim eyes, were enough to discourage me. I moved away my eyes from her as fast as I could. The maturity on her face was suggesting that she had seen a lot in her life.
I ogled at her again, and she caught me again. This happened again, again and again and every time the duration of our eye contact was increasing and that seriousness on her face was reducing. Sometimes when I looked at her, I found her already looking at me. This kept going on till the musical
programme ended. After the bhajans was dinner arrangement. The entire sitting crowd had stood up. She also got up and sat besides the lead vocalist of the orchestra. She was talking to her friends and relatives, I was talking to mine but every few moments after we were looking at each other. It was as if we were trying to talk through our eyes. After about half an hour, we’d be going our homes. When I moved from my place, her eyes were looking here and there, I could see. A smile came on her face, when she saw me again, while trying to be unseen from everyone else. Her eyes and lips were silently expressing her as if she was asking me to say something if I had to.
After having dinner, it was time to part. She told indirectly that she’d be leaving as it was getting too late. Looking for someone or other, she kept roaming here and there to bid goodbye to everyone. But I could do nothing and I did nothing. At last, perhaps giving me a last chance, she stood in a deserted corner and looked at me. Just then, my cell vibrated and I pulled it out of my pocket. It was an sms from my friend. I just read the first line of the sms, locked the keypad and looked up for that beautiful lady. She was not where she was, but standing so close to me, her cell in her hand as if she was imitating me. Was she giving me hint to exchange phone no.? I don’t know. But I couldn’t. I put my cell back in my pocket. She looked in my eyes again and walked past me so closely that I almost touched her. I realized that she was at least one inch taller than me.
She didn’t turn back again and went out of the gate. I don’t know why I didn’t go after her outside right then. May be, I was expecting her to come back once more. But she didn’t. With slow steps, I came out and found her nowhere among the people standing there. The sound of an engine start drew my attention and I found her sitting in the rear seat of a car, which was ready to go. She had seen me, when I came out. Even in that darkness, I could see that helpless smile on her face, caressing me in a strange way.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
why couldn't you trust me...
really they don't understand
really never could understand me
or was it my fault
or was it i who was wrong
to think that all it needs
is truth and trust
when i said truth
they always had doubt on this
then where's the difference
when i say a word from my heart
and a liar just moves his tongue
are we both just same
i accepted when i got drunk
i promised i wont repeat
was that all in vain
don't they know what a promise is
or do they believe
promises are made to be broken only
scold me when i come late
it's your right i know
but it hurts me a little
when you indirectly ask
where were you, with whom
and what did you drink
you never taught me
that's why you don't understand
the value of truth
not sure from where it came
but you all make me think
if my values really make any sense
who the hell preached me
i can't remember anyone
and nobody praises me when i try
but it's not easy to keep your words
my ethics were called twee emotions
when i needed a pat on my back
no one appreciated when i tried
perhaps because they themselves know
it's not easy to do that
but why couldn't you trust me
i'd got guts and was not so weak
but today i'm not sure about that
friends offered me repeatedly
i was even mocked at
but i didn't let them make me
break the promise i had made
i enjoyed water, when they imbibed beer
all for your love and promise, not your fear
they laughed at me, i smiled at them
wasn't guilty when i came back home
you tell me if i was anywhere wrong
then why did it take you so long
to ask me indirectly
where had i been, and what did i drink
really never could understand me
or was it my fault
or was it i who was wrong
to think that all it needs
is truth and trust
when i said truth
they always had doubt on this
then where's the difference
when i say a word from my heart
and a liar just moves his tongue
are we both just same
i accepted when i got drunk
i promised i wont repeat
was that all in vain
don't they know what a promise is
or do they believe
promises are made to be broken only
scold me when i come late
it's your right i know
but it hurts me a little
when you indirectly ask
where were you, with whom
and what did you drink
you never taught me
that's why you don't understand
the value of truth
not sure from where it came
but you all make me think
if my values really make any sense
who the hell preached me
i can't remember anyone
and nobody praises me when i try
but it's not easy to keep your words
my ethics were called twee emotions
when i needed a pat on my back
no one appreciated when i tried
perhaps because they themselves know
it's not easy to do that
but why couldn't you trust me
i'd got guts and was not so weak
but today i'm not sure about that
friends offered me repeatedly
i was even mocked at
but i didn't let them make me
break the promise i had made
i enjoyed water, when they imbibed beer
all for your love and promise, not your fear
they laughed at me, i smiled at them
wasn't guilty when i came back home
you tell me if i was anywhere wrong
then why did it take you so long
to ask me indirectly
where had i been, and what did i drink
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